This was the second poem I wrote, and it actually came up in two parts, 1st was named 'Pieced to Peace', but then someone's comment made me realize that it was highly negative.. another attempt later changed it into following and I named it 'Pieced to peace - Enriched'.
Before putting it up over here I again changed its name and here it is, my occult -
Before putting it up over here I again changed its name and here it is, my occult -
Singing alone I sat there
it was a gloomy corner
fury in mind and
tranquility around,
I gazed at the 6 pm sun.
Yes, the same fat sun
its still the same, it used to be
but not the same
anatomy with me
Tied to the shackles, I try
to free me.
Free me from the past
and possible future
For I am now the same,
as never I intended to be.
The waves are at peak
and I know i am at the apex
trying be a prodigy
I now need to knee.
Knee to the one
who will take me away
Three fathoms into the sea
or in a closet
not known to me...
Dei - Gratia,
The resentment might get dissolved
And me too..
in the salty water.
.
.
.
Cut my arms
Cut my legs
Pluck my eyes
Chisel my ears..
stuff the nose
and remove the tongue
Put me down
Six feet down
Down the ground,
For I feel
I shall be..
Pieced to Peace.
HALF hour down
Half sun down
At a distance I see
Over the golden cloud,
An angel looking at me.
She took me by hand
Out of the mayhem..
As she softly spoke
and I simply stared...
"I'll put you down, as you said
Six feet down, as you wished
Down the ground, because you wanted...
But for the moments you live there,
do me one gesture -
Feel..That you still have the heart you were born with
You still have the soul that Thee imparted
Take your mind back to the genesis
And ferret across the best times u have with"
.
.
.
.
Three hours down I opened my eyes,
it was dark but not for me
Having experienced the occult, it then occurred
"Oh dear God, I have been such a fool...
There is magic in life and there is magical You."
Comments: (as received on orkut)
- Usha mam
Stark..though it begins on a normal note...but deepens to the anguish, the insidious pain, the plea, the grace delivered, and finally to redemption, in life..
Stark..though it begins on a normal note...but deepens to the anguish, the insidious pain, the plea, the grace delivered, and finally to redemption, in life..
that is how it seems to me now... though i may be way off the mark....
a deep one, Lalit, and the Biblical references, if so intended, do add gravity to the entire poem...
well expressed, and written
- Sowmya
very nice lines...superb skill ...enriched it is..but only dat i felt..da poem i donno ..may b i didnt get da concpt.but i felt da chnge of subjcts were stark at some points..lyk as two concpts hv been forced into one ....multiple poems in one thread may b....anyway...its very nice n loved reading it..
- Priya
thanx boss....am glad to see this version
- Maulik
ah lalit..
i missed yaar..
he he..
loved it ....
ur so much matured with your thoughts..
and lovely style u have..
keep going man...
:)
- Gunika
u knw wat
d new added part ws really gud
i lykd it mor
-Pop
Feel, that you still have the heart you were born with
You still have the soul that thee imparted
Take your mind back to the genesis
And ferret across the best times u have with"
A really good one !!
But I really didnt get the last line. One Life and One Me?? It sounds negative to me :)
- Kshitij
i must say u hv come of age buddy
we hv lost our good'ol naughty "lallu" n wat now we hv is a refined version.....
well done boy...keep up da gud wrk!!!!!!!!!
-Aayushi
wow that s an amzing piece of work...read both versions...u ve worked v well an changed it so drastically...frm negative to positive....lovd the lines u ve added on...and yes the phrase, the concept...pieced to peace...is fab!!keep writing!!
